After about 2 months of overanalyzing and wavering between back and forth between should I/ shouldn’t I, I decided that tomorrow shall be the day I buy my one way ticket. It still feels impulsive, because to actualize the decision, all it takes is a few clicks on the airasia website. But I think I have given this enough thought, and paralysis by analysis is not going to get me anywhere. I’ve googled “how to overcome the fear of making big decisions”, “solo female travel in india”, “should I quit my job to travel”… the list goes on. Trying to justify to myself why I should do this. In all honesty, no one can provide the answer for me as to whether this is a right or wrong decision. But what I’ve gathered from my weeks of “research” is this: All the so-called experts on the internet should not influence my decision, because we all come from very different backgrounds and what is a right decision for them might not be so for me, and vice versa.
I know that if I do not do this, I will regret it deeply. Sooner or later in life, I will want to do it anyway, and now is as good as a time as it will get. The worst that could happen is, I do not enjoy it and realise so after a few months, buy a ticket back home and resume status quo/ start a new career. The best that could happen is, I stumble upon a new career that I am deeply passionate about and start living a life I love. And if I continue down my current path of brain rot, the best that could happen is, I immediately go to start my own business, but will regret not having taken the chance to see the world when I had no responsibilities.
I don’t know how to tell my parents this, and am even considering just running away like a petulant childish kid. But I guess I can worry about that later. I know I have the financial resources to support myself through the journey, and it is the logical, though scary decision to make. Maybe scary is good, because I am finally moving out of my comfort zone.
Some things I’ll have to do:
– decide on a debit/credit card to minimise transaction fees
– get hiking shoes
– buy a moon cup
– decide how to pack for my contact lens solution
– settle my giro to pay my taxes
– finally cut my sim card to fit into my new phone
– learn the Russian alphabet
– get my India visa sorted
– decide when to throw the letter and quit my job
There, that doesn’t seem too daunting a list to do. I guess once I buy the ticket, the excitement or at least, the motivation to act should come. I am really tired of this half life I’m living now. So many days, I feel almost claustrophobic, wanting to run out of this maddening inaneness when I hear stupid small talk/ business talk in the CBD, people dressed nicely trying to impress nobody, all trying to come across as busy and important as possible. I really don’t fit in this world. So yes, tomorrow, I will take the plunge.